NEWS SHORTS

"YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!" QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"Because I care so deeply about this district and the people in it, I refuse to allow liberal Democrats an opportunity to steal this seat with a negative, personal campaign."

-former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, announcing his resignation from the House of Representatives on Tuesday morning on his Web site (http://tomdelay.house.gov). DeLay added that it was "time to begin opening new chapters and pursuing new opportunities to engage in the important cultural and political battles of our day," which we take to refer to the battle to defeat the evil insectoids and revive his career as the greater Houston metropolitan area's premiere "Time to Make the Bug Bombs!" guy ... or the battle to choose between ivory backscratchers while living it up on the corporate-kickback nest egg.

SEMPRA PULLS THE PLUG

Looking for a nice spot of ground in central Idaho? Maybe something along the highway from Twin Falls to Sun Valley, just a three-wood or so from the-biggest Idaho Power transfer station in the area? Then today's your lucky day, because something just opened up. On Thursday, March 29, Sempra Energy announced that it will has dropped its plans to build Idaho's first-ever coalfired power plant, which was to be located in south central-Idaho just northwest of Jerome.

Idaho lawmakers have been frantically battling the proposed plant ever since realizing last year, "Whoah, whoah-what kind of power plant is coming to central Idaho? And the only people who can stop it are a couple of Jerome County commissioners? Holy mercury emissions, Batman! Let's go write some new laws fast!"

After trying on several different versions of a moratorium on coal-fired plants, the House and Senate finally approved one last week. Although it hasn't been signed into law, Sempra nevertheless sent a letter to Gov. Dirk Kempthorne saying they received the message-or more accurately, that they didn't but they were leaving anyway.

"No, it was a strategic decision," Sempra president Michael Niggli told the San Diego Union Tribune. Niggli denied that protests to the project had played a large role in the company's decision, saying. "We think they [the Idaho site and another one in Nevada] are excellent sites, and the projects will continue with new owners. We would not be surprised to see them constructed."

Senate Minority Leader Clint Stennet, an opponent of the plant, echoed Niggli's sentiment. After the vote, Stennet told the online news blog New West. "This changes nothing."

IDAHO'S CRAZY LAW CLEARINGHOUSE, PART TWO

Last week, we gave you a preview of some lesser-known bills recently signed into law by Dirk "Catch you on the Flipside, Idaho" Kempthorne. The Governor's pen continued to work overtime this week, and it wasn't just over the much-bally hood pseudophenedrine thingy, the school bullies thingy or the Medicaid reform thingy. For instance, did you know that in Idaho:

* People buying a kit to make their own glider no longer have to pay sales tax on the kit.

* Public employees are allowed to take a monthlong leave of absence in order to donate organs, or five days to donate bone marrow.

* Children between the age of 16 and 18 are now allowed to make "anatomical gifts" for purposes of "transplantation, therapy, research or education," as long as they have parental consent.

* Organ donors are allowed to take up to a $5,000 tax credit after dishing out their bone marrow, intestines, kidneys, livers, lungs and pancreases (or is it pancreai?).

* During all future "disaster emergencies," neither the governor nor any other governmental entity will be allowed to impose restrictions on the possession, transfer, sale, transport, storage, display or use of firearms or ammunition. So y'all have fun and stay safe-ish, ya heart!

* Anyone who refuses to take a breathalyzer test when being grilled by a police officer for possibly driving under the influence will be subject to an immediate $250 fine.

* Anyone who refuses to take a breathalyzer test, and requests a hearing to explain why he (and the law says "he") refused, and then doesn't show up at the hearing, will have his license suspended for a year for the first offense. For a second offense, the suspension is two years.

* Alcohol vaporizers are now illegal to use, possess, purchase, sell or offer for sale in Idaho-that is, unless you're using it for "bona fide research or medical purposes" (wink, wink).

* Anyone who finds a dead body but doesn't tell a county coroner or law enforcement officer can be charged with a misdemeanor and put in county jail for a year.

* Non-profit organizations who put on shooting competitions, or who use shooting ranges, no longer have to pay sales tax on membership dues.

* Anyone who leaks personal information (read: identity theft) from a corporation or agency can be fined up to $25,000 per offense.

* Part-time members of governmental boards, commissions and councils will received $100 per diems. Good for them.

* People who operate title loan companies are now required to have licenses. Good for us.

To wade through these and other new laws, visit www.idaho.legislature.gov.

International

UK GETS AND IDAHO OF ITS VERY OWN

That's right, as of this Friday, the United Kingdom will be home to a new arm of IDAHO. Of course, their version is quite different than ours. In some ways, it's even better. For instance, in the U.K., IDAHO is spelled with all capital letters-which is very dashing. Also, their IDAHO is opposed to homophobia. How do we know this? Because it stands for the International Day Against Homophobia.

You didn't know about IDAHO, you say? That's probably because the United States, unlike Belgium, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, China, Ecuador, France, Germany, Greece, Iran, Israel, Italy, the Ivory Coast, Kenya, Kyrgyzstan, Lebanon, Malta, Mexico, the Netherlands, Peru, the Phillipines, Poland, Portugal, Russia, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sweden, Ukraine, Venezuela and now the U.K., does not have an IDAHO branch of its very own. IDAHO is scheduled for May 17, the 16th anniversary of when the World Health Organization removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders. (Click over to www. idahomophoia.org for more info).

And in other name-game news, IDAHO is very angry with Moscow-but not because its football team stinks. IDAHO groups in five European countries marched in front of their respective Russian diplomatic offices last week to protest Moscow mayor Yuri Luzhkov's stated intention to ban a gay pride parade in the Russian capital on May 27, according to the UK Gay News. The parade is planned to commemorate the 14th anniversary of Russian President Boris Yeltsin decriminalizing gay sexual relations in 1993. Luzkhov's plan met with support from leaders in Russian Islamic and Russian Orthodox churches, while the Council on Europe and several international human rights groups have requested that Luzhkov to reverse his stance and allow the march to happen.

war in Iraq

U.S. CASUALTIES: As of Tuesday, April 4, 2,338 U.S. service members (Including 12 Idahoans) have died since the war in Iraq began in March 2003: 1, 835 in combat and 503 from noncombat related incidents and accidents. Injured service members total 17,486. In the last week, 12 U.S. soldiers died.

Since President George W. Bush declared "mission accomplished" aboad the USS Abraham Lincoln on May 1, 2003, 2,192 sol-diers have died.

Source: U.S. Dept of Defense

IRAQI CIVILAIN DEATHS: Estimated between 33,821 and 37,943.

Source: www.iraqbodycount.net

COST OF IRAQ WAR: $270,692,434,000

Source: www.costofwar.com

-Nicholas Collias